One
of the basic problems I had embracing Christianity as a faith was the fact that
we all tend to live in the scripture without really living in reality. We have
many Catholics that are more catholic than the Pope. A generation of people
that want to appear holy on the outside but are dying on the inside. A friend
on Facebook had the courage to share her marriage agony and the painstaking gut
to call it quit when the abuse became unbearable.
I salute her courage because
for every person that makes such courageous decision, there are thousands dying
for not taking such bold step and millions wishing they could make such
decision. Yes the bible people will say God does not want divorce but He never
eradicated divorce when it becomes inevitable. The first principle of marriage
is to remain in marriage but when it is a threat to one’s happiness, peace,
existence and even worship to God the other options should be sought and the
options are available in the bible and for Christians. Jesus made divorce a no
go area except in the case of infidelity (why do we give only the man power to
do so because Jesus used the male gender as the illustrative beneficiary) and
stipulated that anyone who is divorced should not remarry but Paul made an
upgrade to the rule when he said one is free to remarry if the unbelieving
partner departs (Mathew 5:31-32, 1Cor 7; 15). Why would Paul make an upgrade on
the law Jesus made? I guess people were misusing the rule especially the male
illustration Jesus used to drive in his point. Why do we stick the unbelieving partner
logo to the people of other religion, faith or sect? Hell no. If a man can beat
up his wife and do so consistently, the man is an unbeliever and the wife is
free to leave and remarry. The man is an unbeliever in that marriage because he
has totally abandoned the tenet of marriage and has become an animal. When the
Jesus said, when a brother (bible was not referring to male gender) errs, you
should confront him and when you confront him and he does not change seek one
or two elders to confront him. If he still does not change what should be done,
he should be discarded as an unbeliever (Mathew 18:16-17). Any person, who
cannot follow the basic principle of having a successful marriage, should be
counselled to do so and if he or she does not change, the person is an
unbeliever. Men cannot be called to order in church for defaulting martially
because the people who are to sit at such council are also morally and
spiritually bankrupt. However if your faith is strong enough for you to stay in
abusive marriage or with the unbeliever, Paul also had a word of admonition
‘maybe by your action you can make the person a believer’ (1Cor 7:16). The
choice is yours. I remember a friend who had the courage to take Jamb form and
apply to start all over again. He was already in part three and he opted to
start from part one because he knew he was heading for disaster in final year.
A lot of his course mates wished they had that courage. Our Churches organised
marriage seminar, marriage seminars that promotes male chauvinism; the man is
always right, the boss is always right, the woman is the home maker, submit to
your husband etc. and when all those marriages fail because it is only the
female issues that were addressed, it is only the woman that goes for
counselling in a bid to save the marriage because men in this part of the world
are never blamed for the collapse of the home because the woman is always the
bitch! The men issues, ego, pride, hurt, wound, lack of love, not recognising
the woman as co-pilot etc. are never addressed. We find men who are never
willing to grow or learn; who feel they know everything, go into marriages only
to become liabilities. In this part of the world most women with few exceptions
are ready to settle down in marriages and they adapt and adjust well to their
homes in time while the man still want to enjoy his ‘freedom’ and live the way
his father and mother or even his grandfather and grandmother lived. The woman
is the home maker but when both of you are bread winners then you are both home
makers. Do the maths if she is the bread winner and let your ego get in your
way!
Most
Christians hold the belief that all laws of God (whether written or spiritual)
are irrevocable and cannot be changed under any circumstance. However, if I may
ask, for who are those law made? Are they not made for the betterment of
mankind and not the other way round? The law was made for man and not the other
way round. If the use of the scripture does not set you free then you are
missing a point or two. It is either you are using it just to impress people or
you are misappropriating the message contained in it. Religious and the
righteous ones will say people suffer because they violated certain spiritual
principle or protocol. Yes they did but how many of us did not really break any
law or spiritual protocol on our way to getting married or on other issues of
life. How many can boldly say I did not involve in any kissing, necking,
smooching, romance, fondling, sex etc. before marriage. And for those of us
whose relationship and marriages were first sown in flesh before God sowed it
for us in the spirit, we appreciate God’s grace more because in the multitude
of our sins, Christ saved us. For those who can beat their chest and say yes I
did, then the grace and death of Jesus Christ is not for you. You have
certainly fulfilled the Law of Moses but if you never for once flirted in your
mind or have the idea crossed your thinking at any time you have fulfilled the
law of Christ.
If
Christianity does not make you live but just obey, you are still in bondage.
Peace
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